Compatibility
I’ve been seeing posts recently on social media discussing compatibility. This topic comes up often in sessions with individuals and couples.
“Are we compatible?”
You may have found yourself asking this question regarding your partner or past partners. This question is laced with fear, regret, and ultimately, a desire to make the right decision.
My algorithm has been sending me posts regarding this very topic. Discussions from counselors and social media users finding themselves in a space of needing direction and desiring clarity on if their partner is the one. What often leads to questioning compatibility is conflict. Giants in the field of couples counseling such Ester Perel, John Gottman, Sue Johnson, and Gabor Maté highlight that relationships are not without conflict. It is often the response to conflict that gives us insight into ourselves and how we are showing up in our relationships.
We all are desiring connection. We feel this connection most intensely during the first 1 to 2 years of a new relationship. This excitement can slow down, and we can find ourselves questioning how well our relationships are working. It’s about the 2-year mark that compatibility and longevity can come into question. This is a biological change, not necessarily a sign of incompatibility.
When you’re not sure if you and your partner are compatible, it can be helpful to seek professional help. While counseling can provide helpful insight, there are other ways you can determine what is best for you as well.
Oftentimes, our bodies are giving us information we might not be privy to understanding just yet. Stress, trauma, social pressures can push us away from knowing and listening to ourselves. All of us at one point have been encouraged to put our instincts to the side for one reason or another. Maybe our early attachments led us to anxiety or avoidance, a combination of both.
If we are able to slow down, reacquaint ourselves to who we are underneath all of the mess and chaos, our nervous systems are trying to speak to us. Our bodies are telling us what to do and which way to go.
What is your body telling you about your relationship? What direction are your past pains moving you towards? Counseling can be a helpful tool to determine how to tell the difference and be able to work through barriers you are experiencing that may be keeping you from having long-lasting, deep connections with those around you, specifically your romantic partners.
If you would like support navigating relationships and determining decisions for your future, I would be happy to walk through this with you.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Rachael