Grief Begins with Love: The Courage to Feel and Heal

Grief has come up quite a bit in my sessions lately. Grief can feel a bit heavier as the weather gets cooler and holidays start to arrive. Grief hits us all differently and does not always appear how we expect. I sit with clients processing grief over loss of all different kinds: death, relationships, and expectations. 

As I have been holding space in session for grief, I’ve been thinking about it a lot outside of session. I recently listened to a podcast by Dr. Ester Perel focusing on grief (Perel, 2023). If you’d like to give it a listen, the link can be found here.

Perel has guest Julia Samuel, a grief expert, share some ways to process and move forward in grief. Samuel shared something that impacted me.

“We tend to think that grief begins with death, but really grief begins the moment we sense something precious slipping away. Grief begins with love.” - Julia Samuel (Perel, 2023)

This statement had me reflecting on how much courage it takes to love. Allowing ourselves to love opens us up for potential loss and heart break. There is so much strength in loving and opening ourselves up to the possibility of connection despite the risk of loss.

Sometimes the fear of loss and grief can win. This fear of loss and discomfort of grief can keep us from fully processing our emotions. Blocking out the painful emotions such as grief can actually hinder us from also experiencing love and joy. Samuel goes on to share that when we are blocking the pain from our lives, we are also blocking connection (Perel, 2023). Losing connection is dire. Losing connection with others can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation. These can be linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and stress. Over time, this emotional strain can also weaken the immune system, elevate blood pressure, and negatively impact overall physical health.

Some questions to ask yourself if this post is connecting with you:

• In what ways might you be holding yourself back from fully experiencing your emotions in order to avoid pain?

• How have you noticed your relationships change or shift since distancing yourself from that fear of loss?

• What could you be missing out on due to fear of loss in your relationships?

Grief is a journey without a destination. This can feel intimating and terrifying. Next week’s post will share more details of how to sit with and process the pain of loss to heal in a helpful way to move you forward through the grief instead of around it. Feel free to reach out if you would like to process this with me or you would like a referral. You do not have to go through loss alone.

As always, healing starts here, wherever you are.  

Perel, E. (Host). (2023). Where Should We Begin? Season 8, Episode 7: Grief begins with love with Julia Samuel [Audio podcast episode]. In Where Should We Begin?. EstherPerel.com. https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/grief-begins-with-love-with-julia-samuel